Not Again

I broke the wall, hammered and
All the dust and layers came flying
Apart and with it my heart was
Plunged into cool ice water, beating


Until it faltered and stopped entirely,
Fire inside me burning like a thousand
Suns, I thought I was done with people
Trying not to be people anymore, with
Skewed hinges on the doors, tied noose
Knots and creaking floorboards as mothers
Discover hanging bodies, the war against
Ourselves still wages on, you will never


Be the kind of person that I want, the
Confidante, the friend, the keeper of
Secrets until the end, maybe I built it all
Up in my head, the character of rebellion


And ten, nine, eight…the numbers stretch
On and I don’t know where I have gone in
The darkest patches and hours and songs
Rising like laments, end it, can I end it?


I went.


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