Relapse

It’s happening again. What they
Call relapse, relax and take a chill
Pill, I took the whole bottle and
Opiates slide down my blood stream
Like unwelcome guests in my home
Who leave wine stains on the carpets

And hijack bone marrow, sparrows
Pecking at my windows like pebbles
Knocking on my roof, these foundations
Sinking are all the proof that I need,
Proof, that it’s happening again, I would
Tell my friends but I yelled bloody murder

Too many times before, I make jokes about
Sleeping until three because I don’t know
What to do anymore and I didn’t think my
Heart would be physically sore from all
The beating, I’m reading Wikipedia because
Everything I’ve come to lean on is unreliable,

Survival is not a preservation instinct ingrained
In my being I’m seeing double and I’m pretty
Sure foam from the bath is spilling onto my
Floor, someone call the doctor, I can’t feel
My hands sliding across door handles, I
Can’t get a grip, get a grip. Just get a fucking

Grip, I slip and swings were fun when I was
Young but it’s out of control and I am done,
The only way off is to jump but everyone’s
Telling me don’t jump. Just show up. Screw
You. I’m still on the swings, feet grazing the

Ground the sound of sirens in the distance
It’s utter bliss and then nothingness. The
Chain snapped and I fell, I don’t know what
To tell you. That’s why they call it relapse.

 

Advertisements

Trigger Warning

Trigger warning: happiness
Trigger warning: happiness
Trigger warning: happiness
Cause when you’re depressed

You crave it, like you crave pills
And alcohol, anything to numb the
Pain. Anything at all. You saw warnings
Before movies when you were nine,

Never in the frame of mind to understand
What it really meant, you’d never heard
The lament of brokenness, broken vases
In the porch and flower petals, you love

Me, you love me not, and empty flower
Pots because petals didn’t mean a god damn
Thing. Addiction when you were younger was
To video games and chocolate, if simplicity

Was boxed you would be a millionaire and
Air wouldn’t seem so toxic and hard to breathe,
You’ve got to breathe, no matter the consistency,
Air smelled like grass when you were five, that

Was the year your dog died and your parents
Cut your jokes in half with bad news, you never
Liked the news-all the bold print and trigger
Warnings. Barbie dolls were made from plastic

And you laughed when someone in the playground
Told you people were plastic, you didn’t realise
They understood life so much better, back then
Knives were handled by adults, now you’re an

Adult and somehow you don’t quite feel qualified,
Everything you knew were lies and how can you
Be sure you won’t cut yourself just because people
Say you can handle it, but you can’t handle happiness.

So you drown yourself in opiates and the air turns
To jelly and noises are like waves and you are six
Again, play pretending you’re not dead. One day
You’ll be dead and there’ll be a funeral and you
Won’t hear what’s said but I’ll tell you.
Trigger Warning:

A Conversation: Calling all People!

birdsA few months back I started this poetry collaboration project called ‘A Conversation’. The aim of this project is to start a conversation between two people with the end result of a poem. I provide a line and then you provide one and on it goes! It’s on the spot, quick and easy. The only rule, each line must end in rhyme. Two examples of this can be seen already on my blog named: A Conversation: Darren Scanlon and A Conversation: Ellie Horgan.

Over the past while I’ve been distracted by other projects I’ve been working on, alongside the upkeep of Leannepoetry of course! I’d really love to see some more involvement in this project. You can message me on my facebook page, Leannepoetry, tweet me @leannepoetry07 or DM Leannepoetry on Twitter and we can work from there!

This is open to everyone and anyone! You don’t have to be a poet or ever a regular blogger! That’s half the fun! The poem will be published on my wordpress blog and advertised on my other social media. Don’t be shy and spread the word! Let’s see how many Conversation we can have! 🙂

Thanks guys!

 

 

Mirror-Man

To the free spirit, I am sorry,
You dance through life and
Laughter falls easily on your
Lips, my lips are caked with

Blood, the dried laughter of
My soul, I am spiteful to you
Pirate man, you see the same
Islands in people I do but you

Are unafraid to moor, and I have
Clipped words and uninviting tones,
I do not allow strangers into my home,
These structures are weak and you brim

With joy, I am afraid of you and your
Happiness but more than this, you are
A reflection of who I could have been
Should circumstances and circumference

Mean the same thing, you sing outside in
The realm of life, I’m sorry I ever brandished
My knife for if I die in the last crescendo of
Bird song, I just ask you at least keep the
Magic alive for kindred spirits to recognise
There is much more depth to life than lies.

Butter Girl

Masked healers call a mental
Dissociation with the world, all
Of the hurt has amalgamated into
Physical form and the grass under my

Feet feels like concrete, feels like concrete,
Did I repeat myself? I can’t tell if the voice
In my head is still in my throat, so much
Ridicule and boats moored on the ocean

 

Are spaceships, why aren’t there stars’ in
The sea? In the sea, I see reflections of
Jupiter and Mars. We can’t breathe in outer
Space, stop playing these games monopoly

 

And scrabble, I am already scrabbled and
Block letters knock my knees, no wait, that’s
The gate. It’s seldom open, often closed, and
Mom and dad told me they lost the magic key,

Freedom of speech echoes on the radio like
Words in my mind, my mind, my mind. Butterflies
Scare me with wide wings and tiny eyes, like unwanted
Spectacles, I wear unwanted spectacles, I had
Perfection, once, or twice but I lost it,
Like the butterfly lost her spectacles.