Bad Plan

Ok. So, listen. I feel like my
Words don’t do justice to my
Feelings and lately I’ve been
Believing more and more in
Solutions, and not the good kind,
No, the kind I mean are the permanent
Solutions, like acid washing away skin

And bone but I am the bone, and I don’t
Know what to do, selfish, yeah. That’s me,
Well life’s not a fucking movie screen and
My downs aren’t countered by ups, no. Not
Me. And I don’t recognise this person who
Walks the streets at 3 am, I don’t recognise

This person making plans for no plan at all,
I used to be hopeful. I used to stand tall,
Taller than this and if I had one wish it would
Be to climb out of this hole I’ve sunken into
But here’s the problem. This hole is a sink hole
And it only goes down and no matter how much

Ladder is sent my way it’s never enough, I’ve
Been in therapy for months and every hour I
Feel the sink hole slowing down, just the smallest
Bit and I think its just a glitch in the system because
Once I leave that cushioned armchair the system rolls
On again, my friends have dove in with rope tied

Around their waists and tried to face my demons
With me, but there’s only so far they can go and I’ve
Surpassed it. They’ve surpassed me. I’ve made myself
Bleed to hear the blood drops reach the end. There is
No end. There is no end. There is no end. It echoes
And I can’t fend for myself anymore. I’m too young

To be this tired. I fired the last flare millenniums ago
But no one has seen the spark, I’ve lost mine in the
Dark. The worst part is I can still see the light above.
That tiny spec where the living dwell and I can’t help
But think to myself how wonderful that must be, but
To me, it’s torture and there’s only one way to be freed.


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