Never Ending

I am afraid to close my eyes and
Wake to the same sunrise so I don’t
Sleep, I force the waves of drowsiness away
In hopes that I can make it another day, and

Repeat it day in, day out, in a monotonous tone
Most days I want to be left alone, because
While everyone is out there, beyond windows reach
I’m always here trying to preach myself the word of

Reason but it is too late, failure and failure causes my
Heart to break and I feel it in my bones, in my very soul
An emptiness has grown from the repetition of dream and
Delete, wake and repeat, holding fledglings in my hands

Only to watch them die, every time, and no one understands,
The how are you texts are a harsh reminder of that, I am not
Ok, there’s been no such thing as a good day for as long as I
Can remember, as long as the sleep deprivation allows,

And I want to bow out of this sinking ship but the nails
Caught the fabric of my existence and hold me just above
The water line spurting out water just like “I’m fine” and
I want to scream at my kin for not realising their horrible

Mistake of choosing three over two, driving stake after
Stake into my cold dead heart trying to restart a love for
Life that the plague has stolen, it should be possible to be
This broken apart, and the very second the suns rays peak

It restarts and I am tired of this game, forcing air down my
Lungs so there is no blame to be handed around, if you loved
Me you would not let me drown day after terrible day, night
After terrible night, year after terrible year, the waterworks

Have rusted, there are no tears anymore, there is nothing
But an eerie echo inside and a silent husk from when happiness
Died, and I do not live for myself anymore, I live for the people
Who ignore my agony simply so they do not feel guilty in my

Absence, I would give everything to escape this, but for now
All I have is the reassurance of the moon, for the next few
Hours before clear doom sets in in this pen, and I wake,
Breathe in, and face it all, all over again

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