She searched the years for infinity

Never suspected to find it with he,

A mad, mad, man

With an assortment of hats,

His smile like that of a Cherise cats,

But how broken life had made this

Place, a ruling queen,

A real disgrace.

White rabbits hung by their feet,

Warriors marched to a beat,

She’d never witnessed

Such deceit.

Time ran different there,

Whispers clung in the air,

People-they just

Didn’t care,

She had to sell her golden hair,

For potions big and small

And rare.

She deemed herself a crazy girl,

To find such a wondrous world,

Still wearing her,

Mothers pearls,

Reminders of reality,

She swum oceans,

Crossed the seas,

And found the Hatter by the beach,

He looked just like her father had,

A mad, mad person,

A loving man,

He reached out to hold her hand,

His skin smooth as crystal glass,

She couldn’t bring,

Herself to ask,

When goodbye would be said,

She’d searched so, so long she’d bred,

Dreams and adventures,

All children’s play.

She knew that she could not stay,

But the Hatter could not go,

Locked in,

The rabbits burrow,

But she

She had a


She’d take him with her if,

She could,

Erase the badness with,

The good,

Of morning breakfast,

Radio play,

Theatre performances and

All things baked,

Shackles rattle around his wrists,

His brilliant mind,

Left in bits,

Apologies on her lips,

Like butterflies,

Sway and dip,

In the distance a travelling ship,

“Up, up and away,

I’ll see you


But Alas,

They never did.


Not Again

I broke the wall, hammered and
All the dust and layers came flying
Apart and with it my heart was
Plunged into cool ice water, beating


Until it faltered and stopped entirely,
Fire inside me burning like a thousand
Suns, I thought I was done with people
Trying not to be people anymore, with
Skewed hinges on the doors, tied noose
Knots and creaking floorboards as mothers
Discover hanging bodies, the war against
Ourselves still wages on, you will never


Be the kind of person that I want, the
Confidante, the friend, the keeper of
Secrets until the end, maybe I built it all
Up in my head, the character of rebellion


And ten, nine, eight…the numbers stretch
On and I don’t know where I have gone in
The darkest patches and hours and songs
Rising like laments, end it, can I end it?


I went.


I allowed myself to forget the rest,
Allow happiness to take place in the
Seat of my home, mend my brittle
Bones by warmth and jokes and
Forget about the cold for a while,


Smile in the radiance of everything
Play songs on the radio and sing
The notes with a renewed fervor
For life and simply watch the strife
Disappear from the doorstep of this


Place. I don’t race to find opportunities
And maybe there’s something wrong
With me, actually there is, I know, but
I chose to let go rather than let the weight
Of the world drag me back to hell, I’ve paid


My dues, I’ve of the tell tales signs of the
Devil and they’re nothing new, nothing
I haven’t seen reflected in the mirror a
Thousand times, I’ve grown horns and
Found myself enveloped in fiery red,
But for now I stop. Just stop. And watch
The fire for a while.

Deep End

Fuck this. Fuck them, fuck you and
Fuck me for even giving a shit in the
First place, trophies never earned me
Anything and strumming strings on


Violins doesn’t eliminate anything,
THIS is hard, not the right now but
The every now, the towering complexity
Of sanity and we’re supposed to have it


All figured out and after years of wading
Through questions and such density,
I’m in a city, with lights and cars and bars
And fucking happiness is parked somewhere
By a bridge. It’s thinking about it again, the


Nothingness, the pen, the stories and the
End and I thought feelings got better over
Time, ring the doctor cause I can’t find mine,
Sometimes I wish that I would die because
Sleep isn’t always a break, and for fucks
Sake. Just turn off the alarm.

Smoke Circles

There is a different place inside my bones,
The walls are the same but I can’t call them
Home because home is not made of brick and
Stone, it’s made of love and love has grown


Out of herself, took a gun to her scalp and
Belted out a final farewell, the lament of the
Century, the creation of wishing wells, and
Profit, I think I could’ve stopped it if I had


Known bigger words as a littler person,
Maybe if immersion hadn’t meant making
Friends but feeling the earth and feeling the
End would probably have hurt but hurt weighs


Out worth and worth spins the Earth, that’s what
My grandfather told me while he smoked his pipe
No one knew how soon he’d die, the plumes of
Wisdom clogging his lungs, he couldn’t breathe


And I am done losing people who matter, call
Me crazy, call me the hatter, I’d wear his hats
With pride and laughter should be the semblance
Of war, not violence and gore and my little brother


Was just born with tiny limbs and a mighty roar,
Silenced forever with a surgeon’s knife, mistakes
Are human and the mistake was mine.

Road Blocks

I said yes, my heart in my chest and as
The tires flew along pavements grey I
Thought of all the ways the wheels could
Fall off, STOP. The sign is clear but when I’m


Near you everything is magnetised and I am
Mesmerised by the hope you plant in me,
Happy is part of my vocabulary, laughter is
Part of my scenery, my best friends found


Some jealously because she can see you’re
Taking pieces of me and that makes me afraid,
It makes her afraid, that the jigsaw blocks might
Not fit together the way they were laid before,
In my casket, I haven’t visited since you walked


Into my gaze, peripherally it shouldn’t make sense
This maze is dangerous and new but I walk it with
You, holding hands. I like holding your hand. I
Never thought someone would hold my hand, my


Life is a rubber band prone to exploding in my face
You have faith when darkness is my friend, I’ve
Already discussed the end with a martyr and he
Told me for all the pain, I have some stretch left
In this lane. We won’t crash but if we do I’d like
To imagine you’ll be holding my hand

Black Widow

Crawl into my dark place,
I’ve been here all alone,
Break your femurs,
Come on Down,
I’ll eat you up your flesh
And bone


Turn on oily lanterns
Casting shadows left and right,
Don’t be worried,
Don’t be scared!
Toss away that Wordly fright!


Pumpkin skins and skeletons,
Oh my favourite plate!
Take a seat and light the candles,
Don’t be tardy, don’t be late!


Count your blessings that you’re here
With me, you’re finally safe,
Lock the hatches, down the wine,
Don’t you dare try to escape.